Apartment 1915 was buzzing with boy talk and a killer pregame playlist blaring. “Blow dry or air dry?” Don asked his roommates, who were debating the “acceptable amount” of hairspray to use before a night out. The men of the four-bedroom apartment above Iowa City’s downtown Bruegger’s Bagels were beginning their routine Thursday night. Vans or nice lace-up dress boots? A faded green and red flannel or a vintage denim jacket with slight shoulder padding? Black skinny jeans or denim jeans?

The aesthetics of the room were set by a neon light-up Cubs sign and a strand of mood lights, the candle burnt to a nub wick with the TJ Maxx sticker still on it, and a framed Beatles portrait on the bare white wall. Don’s body language shifted from quaint and reserved, to loose and relaxed the moment David plugged his phone into the aux cord, projecting a remix with a dope beat. As Don sipped his water, Phil slurped his protein shake, and David cracked open an orange Fanta to chase the Cherry Burnett’s fifth with, the night was off to a low-key start.

Boy talk was flowing like the drinks they were consuming. “So these two lesbians on my 21st birthday…” Phil began, immediately disturbing Don’s body language and previously intrigued facial expression. Don tossed his mixed frozen veggies in a poorly cleaned frying pan, trying to fake interested in Phil’s vulgar hook-up story. As Phil continued to joke about how he “didn’t give a fuck who they were or even if they were hot or not, [he] just wanted to fuck,” Don quickly tuned out of the story and tuned into the vibrations of the music. Cooking up his dinner for one of chicken, veggies, and 5-minute boxed rice to his own groove, Don pitter-pattered around the kitchen allowing the music to take over as he moonwalked from the stove to the microwave. As Don was cleaning up after cooking, he refrained from reprimanding the roommates about the overflowing garbage mound. Instead, he put on a condescending smile and took the garbage out himself.

Don thrived in one-on-one conversations. While David and Phil got caught up in who had better luck spitting game at bars recently, Don sat back and let the boys get lost in the details. As an observer, he refrains from saying anything in the spotlight in big groups. He’s the guy that sporadically throws in witty one-liners and stays in the background. As average as he may appear, Don uses his subtle humor and wit to make his presence known when necessary. Being a musician, he has a special way of communicating through body language and minimal conversation, changing his game with girls for the better. The seamless combination of listening and complimenting girls allows Don to keep the upper hand and allows him to “never reveal all of [his] secrets.”

When picking up a new prospect, Don tries to find something unique that he likes about the girl, something he can tell they put a lot of effort into. “But, you have to be quick about it so it doesn’t seem like a line,” Don said. He remembered a time when he pointed out a girl’s sparkly, glowing nails underneath the black light in the basement of his frat house, she was so caught off guard that it ultimately sealed the deal.

Choosing the right girl to approach comes easily to Don. Extroverts in choker necklaces. Girls with nose rings – hoops, not studs. Girls with multiple ear piercings. Girls that want to stand out. However, “if she’s the life of the party with like over 1,000 followers on Instagram, she’s way out of my league so I won’t even bother wasting my time getting shut down,” Don said as David nodded his head vigorously in agreement. Every once in a while, they believe you might slip through the cracks and get someone out of your league. “You can’t go straight to D1, you have to work your way up,” David said. The prospect needs to be interesting enough to have some sort of intelligent conversation but, she can’t be too outgoing. While Don’s never gone for a girl who’s said no or rejected him, he wishes he was better at approaching girl while he’s sober.

“The nights you try to go out and get girls, you never actually end up getting one home,” David says. They decide at the beginning of a night whether or not the night will be a boys night or a night to take someone home. Everything from their outfits, to how drunk they wanted to get, to their night’s game plan had some calculation behind it. Don’s clothing suggests he cared about his image but not too much. Upon choosing his flannel, black jeans, slicked back hair, and lace-up dress shoes, he immediately asked my opinion. Hesitating to respond, Don immediately interpreted my silence as disapproval, put on a hat, and switched to the jean jacket.

Don made his way through the beer soaked floor and went up to the DJ booth in the basement of his frat. I stood in the corner against the crumbling, punched-in drywall and tried to blend in. The turned the music up so loud I could feel the vibrations in my chest. Girls were shoving past me to get their glamorous seconds of fame and shame on the stripper pole, conveniently located in the peripheral of the DJ booth. As the pledges gawked at the freshmen girls twirling down the pole showing off their “acrobatic” talents, Don was so captivated by the music he didn’t even glance to see them. Hiding under his hat and the booth, Don was allowed to be the center of attention providing the beats and rhythms everyone was grooving to, while still remaining in the shadows.

While tonight was about the music and not about going home with a girl, Don still kept a low-key eye out for any potential future prospects. Despite not taking anyone home this night, Don knew this wasn’t his only chance because “even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in his life.”

*disclaimer* Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Introverted and Intrigued